Boys, School and Fun....Lots of Fun

I have been having a love - hate relationship with Yahoo Groups and Blogs! I love them because you get such a wide variety of advice, responses and chatter in regards to a certain topic or curriculum. I love knowing about people's personal experiences - real life experiences - with a curriculum or program before I buy it or while I am using it. I love having the advice from someone who has been there, done that! I love that we can all share ideas and things we have created or planned to go along with whatever it is we are in a group about!
I hate it because I want to and have to read every single daily digest or post that gets sent out - just in case there is a great idea, something free, a craft, a way to store this or that, a planning suggestion, how to do pg.123 as a file folder game, etc...... There are so many good ideas I am afraid I might miss one but I am also the freak who wants to do them all! I get sucked into all the ideas and suggestions and whatnot and start rethinking everything I have been doing, am going to do or want to do because these ideas sound so good. I then start rearranging, making or buying these wonderful games or suggested items, stopping everything and redoing it all!! Do you think we get anywhere doing all this foolishness - NO!! Now - it is not their fault I feel like I have to do it all - right now. But it is a huge struggle for me! I am the queen of making stuff, organizing it just so and then not doing it that way or not using it! I will spend days making a game or reorganizing for school and spend no time doing school!
I just edited my profile of the most recent yahoo group I was getting to 'no email' because for me it is all or nothing and it has to be nothing right now. I am already having withdrawals! I keep thinking about what ideas might possibly be posting today and should I just check to see if there is something better than the gazillion games I have already created for that exact subject?? I feel like it is a sickness and I just can't get over it - what is wrong with me?? I always have to have a 'project' going on. I can't just be sitting around with the boys or my hubby and enjoying the moment - I feel like I always have to be doing something and projects are great to do in front of the tv or while the boys are doing their thing. The problem is I don't know when or how to stop - I find myself doing the 'project' constantly and not spending any time with my family , staying up late and being grouchy, desperatley needing a nap(which is a waste of more time).
I have got to fight this and get past it so I can be the Homeschool Mom I want & need to be. The Homeschool mom God has called me to be for my boys! The mom God has called me to be for my boys. I need to focus my energy on them. I need to make my boys my 'project', my husband my 'project', my house my 'project'. I really want to and have tried to - lots of different times and lots of different ways but there is somethinga bout the way a 'project' fills me up! Making a meal plan, cleaning the house, shopping wisely, having a good day of school - those things just don't fill me up the way a 'project' does!
People are always asking me 'how do you get it all done'. It is because my priorities are all screwed up and I will work hard to do a 'project' and then get mad at myself, depressed & self loathing because I haven't trained my boys to do this or that, all I do is yell at them, we aren't where we should be with school, with chore training, with a routine to our day, I let them watch way too much Tv and play way too many video games, we forgot to pray because I was in such a rush to get done so I could work on my 'project'.Where does it end? How does it end? I know I have to start with Prayer and the word of God but of course that is another area that falls to the wayside and gets neglected because I was up late, slept in and now we are in a rush to get our day going and I can't figure out how to fit it in after that or I don't stop long enough to enjoy His word and presence in my life! It is a vicious cycle that I have got to change or it is going to drown me!AAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!

WOW! I was feeling that burden on my shoulders - it was quite heavy!