Wednesday, June 24, 2009

I have been having a love - hate relationship with Yahoo Groups and Blogs! I love them because you get such a wide variety of advice, responses and chatter in regards to a certain topic or curriculum. I love knowing about people's personal experiences - real life experiences - with a curriculum or program before I buy it or while I am using it. I love having the advice from someone who has been there, done that! I love that we can all share ideas and things we have created or planned to go along with whatever it is we are in a group about!
I hate it because I want to and have to read every single daily digest or post that gets sent out - just in case there is a great idea, something free, a craft, a way to store this or that, a planning suggestion, how to do pg.123 as a file folder game, etc...... There are so many good ideas I am afraid I might miss one but I am also the freak who wants to do them all! I get sucked into all the ideas and suggestions and whatnot and start rethinking everything I have been doing, am going to do or want to do because these ideas sound so good. I then start rearranging, making or buying these wonderful games or suggested items, stopping everything and redoing it all!! Do you think we get anywhere doing all this foolishness - NO!! Now - it is not their fault I feel like I have to do it all - right now. But it is a huge struggle for me! I am the queen of making stuff, organizing it just so and then not doing it that way or not using it! I will spend days making a game or reorganizing for school and spend no time doing school!
I just edited my profile of the most recent yahoo group I was getting to 'no email' because for me it is all or nothing and it has to be nothing right now. I am already having withdrawals! I keep thinking about what ideas might possibly be posting today and should I just check to see if there is something better than the gazillion games I have already created for that exact subject?? I feel like it is a sickness and I just can't get over it - what is wrong with me?? I always have to have a 'project' going on. I can't just be sitting around with the boys or my hubby and enjoying the moment - I feel like I always have to be doing something and projects are great to do in front of the tv or while the boys are doing their thing. The problem is I don't know when or how to stop - I find myself doing the 'project' constantly and not spending any time with my family , staying up late and being grouchy, desperatley needing a nap(which is a waste of more time).
I have got to fight this and get past it so I can be the Homeschool Mom I want & need to be. The Homeschool mom God has called me to be for my boys! The mom God has called me to be for my boys. I need to focus my energy on them. I need to make my boys my 'project', my husband my 'project', my house my 'project'. I really want to and have tried to - lots of different times and lots of different ways but there is somethinga bout the way a 'project' fills me up! Making a meal plan, cleaning the house, shopping wisely, having a good day of school - those things just don't fill me up the way a 'project' does!
People are always asking me 'how do you get it all done'. It is because my priorities are all screwed up and I will work hard to do a 'project' and then get mad at myself, depressed & self loathing because I haven't trained my boys to do this or that, all I do is yell at them, we aren't where we should be with school, with chore training, with a routine to our day, I let them watch way too much Tv and play way too many video games, we forgot to pray because I was in such a rush to get done so I could work on my 'project'.Where does it end? How does it end? I know I have to start with Prayer and the word of God but of course that is another area that falls to the wayside and gets neglected because I was up late, slept in and now we are in a rush to get our day going and I can't figure out how to fit it in after that or I don't stop long enough to enjoy His word and presence in my life! It is a vicious cycle that I have got to change or it is going to drown me!AAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!

WOW! I was feeling that burden on my shoulders - it was quite heavy!


  1. Doesn't it feel good to get it out?! I understand girlfriend. I think the first step to change is what you just did...recognizing that you want to make one and where you want to make it. For me, putting the change into practice is so hard!! We can encourage each other in this each others cheerleaders!! I'm so tired of planning and not doing. I've lost so many hours/days because I've been researching etc. I'm with you my friend(but you know that ;)) This will be a good year!

  2. Ah, priorities! It can be such a challenge, even when we KNOW what the right thing is to do.

    Thanks for sharing your heart!

  3. I do the same thing!! It is so hard for me to stay away from yahoo groups and homeschool forums:)

  4. This post hit home SO VERY HARD!!! I felt like I was actually typing it word for word!! I was laughing and crying at the same time! I am so hooked on reading others blogs so I can get "inspired" but instead feel like a failure both as a wife and mother and especially a homemaker. But, praise God, that He is gracious with us and gives new mercies every morning! I need to tell myself that every day!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing! I feel like kindred spirits!!!